Safety net
I thought once I saw chemo was coming to an end I'd feel joyous, relieved. Basically I associated only positive emotions with it.
I actually freaked out, had a panic attack, and almost didn't take my flight back to nyc and offered to move back to where my parents live just to avoid flying back. Yes it was that bad.
Apparently this is normal. When people are going through chemo, it's easy to get into the, "what do I need to do " zone and focus on tasks at hand. There is also the support of the Oncologist and nurse(s) during all the lab draws, chemo sessions, etc
In my case, I also had a broken up with my boyfriend, so no longer had him to hide behind, and things had to get real.
My mom gave one piece of advice which helped me get on the plane. She said, "if you don't go back now you'll never go back. Just go, and if things are really bad once you're there call me and I can come get you."
I really shrank into my comfort and safety zone during this time. What really helped me (God bless my amazing therapist who wrote back to my emergency freak out email) was scheduling a bunch of dinners etc with friends so I wouldn't have a lot of alone time once I was back.
Having my job helped too. The normalcy of it...the responsibility.
On the east coast the weather changes. It's amazing I started this journey in the winter, now on the days it doesn't rain the sun is starting to come out for a late onset of Spring...and pretty soon it'll be summer already.
I actually freaked out, had a panic attack, and almost didn't take my flight back to nyc and offered to move back to where my parents live just to avoid flying back. Yes it was that bad.
Apparently this is normal. When people are going through chemo, it's easy to get into the, "what do I need to do " zone and focus on tasks at hand. There is also the support of the Oncologist and nurse(s) during all the lab draws, chemo sessions, etc
In my case, I also had a broken up with my boyfriend, so no longer had him to hide behind, and things had to get real.
My mom gave one piece of advice which helped me get on the plane. She said, "if you don't go back now you'll never go back. Just go, and if things are really bad once you're there call me and I can come get you."
I really shrank into my comfort and safety zone during this time. What really helped me (God bless my amazing therapist who wrote back to my emergency freak out email) was scheduling a bunch of dinners etc with friends so I wouldn't have a lot of alone time once I was back.
Having my job helped too. The normalcy of it...the responsibility.
On the east coast the weather changes. It's amazing I started this journey in the winter, now on the days it doesn't rain the sun is starting to come out for a late onset of Spring...and pretty soon it'll be summer already.
Comments
Post a Comment