My GCT Granulosa Cell Tumor Journey

As soon as I found out I'd have to go through chemo I looked into cold caps, dignicaps, frozen caps, you name it. For those of you who don't know what these are, they are basically frozen swimming caps you freeze in dry ice and swap out every 30 minutes with special gloves to try to keep 60-70% of your hair. They are more frequently used in Europe than the US. And as much as I really really wanted to keep my hair, I couldn't justify finding & getting dry ice at a random gas station each morning before my 830am chemo, and could not envision my very lazy (when it comes to anything physical labor intensive) mom helping me on and off with these every 30 minutes. Plus some people have said they really hurt bc you get brain freeze in the beginning. In the end though, after deciding to have chemo in San Diego, the only facilities that provided the dignicap technology - the kind you simply plug into your hat - were the larger University hospitals like UCSD. The hair loss...

https://player.fm/series/dnx-digital-nomad-podcast-with-silvia-christmann/katia-bozhikova-how-death-informs-life https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/dont-waste-your-cancer

I thought once I saw chemo was coming to an end I'd feel joyous, relieved. Basically I associated only positive emotions with it. I actually freaked out, had a panic attack, and almost didn't take my flight back to nyc and offered to move back to where my parents live just to avoid flying back. Yes it was that bad. Apparently this is normal. When people are going through chemo, it's easy to get into the, "what do I need to do " zone and focus on tasks at hand. There is also the support of the Oncologist and nurse(s) during all the lab draws, chemo sessions, etc In my case, I also had a broken up with my boyfriend, so  no longer had him to hide behind, and things had to get real. My mom gave one piece of advice which helped me get on the plane. She said, "if you don't go back now you'll never go back. Just go, and if things are really bad once you're there call me and I can come get you." I really shrank into my comfort and safety z...